Yesterday i went to my DATE meeting. It’s the second time in a row after probably months of absence. How did it go? I would say it was lovely. I loved the food, to borrow a phrase from Jules in Pulp Fiction, my DATE leader cooked up some “serious gourmet shit”. A fellow DATE member brought in free samples of eucalyptus oil, a box of them. I enjoyed hearing the stories from my friends at DATE, one guy shared about problems in his office, where there’s an issue with the merchandises they are preparing, and how he had to juggle multiple other projects all with very tight deadline, another couple shared their experience moving into a new house while expecting a baby, and yet another couple shared about their struggle with finding a maid. You know… Fun stuff.
I was convinced that the reason i didn’t go to DATE all this time was because i didn’t get any insights or spiritual growth. That i would be better spending my time on something else rather than listening to other people’s problems.
But i have to admit that the reality is not quite as straightforward as what i imagined. At yesterday’s DATE meeting, i didn’t learn any groundbreaking theological concept nor did i experience any revelation from God. I listened to other people’s problems and struggles. But strangely i have come to ‘savor’ the experience? That’s a strange term, but it’s the best word that can describe how it feels. It’s not like i enjoy seeing people struggle, far from that. But there’s a strange feeling of connectedness in that activity. I don’t claim that i am close to them, not at all, but in that hour or two, by listening to their stories, i was somehow taking part in their life journey, i was included in a community.
And the irony is not lost on me that i once claimed that my goal in joining (rejoining) this DATE was not to look for deep relationships, but to look for spiritual growth. And here i am now describing how it feels to be included in a community.
It’s like a boy who acts tough, saying he goes to school only to learn. He doesn’t care for friendship. But when the teacher brings the students for a fun day out at the park, the boy couldn’t help but play with the other students, having a great time together.
Perhaps that’s how God likes to work.
God knows that you want something, You want it so bad, in fact, that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get it. But God doesn’t give it to you, and He doesn’t explain why either.
So you’re left perplexed, confused, eventually angry, but in the end, you start to accept it. You know you still want it, but you understand maybe it’s not meant for you, and you start to adjust your life away from that. At this point two things may happen, it may be that God really thinks that your life will be better off without that thing, and you never get that thing, and your life really gets better. Or the other scenario, suddenly, out of nowhere, God gives you that thing.
So you once again are left perplexed, confused, but this time you’re not angry. You experienced some strange feeling, it’s happiness, but not the childish kind, where you’re happy when your parents gave you the toy you’ve been craving for. It’s a more mature, somewhat nostalgic kind of happiness. It’s like seeing an old friend you cherish so much, but you’ve lost contact with. In this scenario, you accept the thing with a renewed sense of appreciation and gratitude. You understood how it felt in the past to yearn for it, the pain of not having it, the wisdom you gained from letting it go, and the pleasant surprise of being reunited with it again.
It’s a strangely familiar experience for me. I’ve experienced this cycle before. I wonder, perhaps the same lesson applies?
Perhaps, at the time, i was simply too immature?
Perhaps, growth and community are not mutually exclusive?
Perhaps, one strengthens the other in a circular nature?
Perhaps, all this time, i simply need to just be more inclusive?